I wish I were one of those moms I see, you know the ones, that are dressed perfectly with their hair and make up done. They have a toddler, perfectly behaved, perched on their hip and a content baby napping in a stroller. They have a structured routine that their little ones magically agree to and they get a full night’s sleep every night. I, in contrast, have circles under my eyes from the sleepless nights I spend with the baby. My hair is carelessly tossed into a pony tail. My busy days spent with babies and toddlers have caused me to completely forget how to apply make up. I’m having to hold my baby because she screams when I don’t and my two toddlers are fighting with each other between my legs. You see, I fall short of the “perfect mom” title too.

The difference between the “perfect mom” and moms like myself, besides the fact that she looks like she stepped off of a runway and I am all disheveled, is our attitudes. Sure she has a perfect smile and looks like she’s got her act together, but she secretly resents motherhood and is constantly looking for her “me” time. She is just “surviving” motherhood until her kids are all in school. I, on the other hand, put my kids first and live in the present with them, savoring each precious moment.

Our kids do not care if the house is neat and orderly. They do not care if we are dressed in name brand clothes; heck, they don’t even care if we match or not. They do not care if we follow the latest pop psychology book on parenting or sleep training. They do not care whether society thinks they shouldn’t use a pacifier past the age of 6 months or a bottle should be promptly removed from their hands on their 1st birthday. They don’t care if we keep up the “appearance” of being a perfect mom.

So many of us moms put unrealistic expectations on ourselves about being a “perfect mom.” So many of us that are doing a good job of keeping our kids safe, well cared for, and loved are questioning whether or not we are doing a good enough job. We fear that we are damaging our kids for life, failing at the task of helping them reach their full potential.

The truth is, if you are feeling less than adequate as a mom then that is probably a healthy sign that you’re doing a good job. The mothers that are failing at the task of being “mom” are the ones that don’t care enough to question their mothering skills. They aren’t emotional invested enough in their families to ever feel guilty. Being the best mother you can be is all in your attitude. I have a thriving mom attitude instead of a surviving mom attitude and that makes all of the difference in the world.