“Me time” has become a very popular catch phrase among stay at home moms. Many complain about needing more. I’ve spoken with many working moms that say they could never stay at home with their children every day because they’d go insane. I’ve read comments from moms on mommy forums saying how miserable they are staying at home with their kids. If you find yourself feeling very unhappy staying at home with your little ones. If you find yourself craving more me time despite the fact that you regularly get together with girl friends, go to the spa, go shopping without the kids, or use a mom’s day out program then this post is for you.

One time I was complaining to my dad about how worn out I felt as a stay at home mom to three. Mainly because my littlest is still nursing and not sleeping through the night and my two oldest stress me out with their constant fighting. I was expecting to receive a little sympathy from my dad, instead he shocked me with his reply. He said, “Your great grandmother raised nine children with none of the modern convenience gadgets you have today. She had to kill and pluck the chicken before it could be cooked for supper. She didn’t have a dishwasher or an automatic washing machine and dryer. And she did it all without me time.”

You know what? Dad was right. Our generation is soft. We aren’t used to working hard and we’re quick to complain. But even worse than that we possess a terrible trait for any mother to have. We’ve become selfish. Instead of focusing on what you need and what you want, I challenge you to focus on what your kids need and what your kids want.

I know the advice in this post is not going to be well received by any moms that aren’t already thriving moms, but hear me out. If your only source of me time is your weekly grocery shopping trip, I’ll admit that’s not good. Grocery shopping is work and I don’t know any mom that truly enjoys grocery shopping. However, if coming back from grocery shopping without the kids doesn’t make you feel a little bit renewed and ready to greet your children with a smile and a hug then the problem isn’t with your lack of me time. The problem is within yourself, and I just may have the answer.

The male and female brains are wired differently. It’s a fact. There are many differences, but the one that I want to focus on is that fact that  a woman’s brain multitasks while the man’s brain focuses on just one thing at a time. There is a biological reason for this. Before civilized times it was essential for woman to multitask while men stayed in deep concentration on the task at hand. Women were in charge of all the kids and household tasks. A woman needed to be able to be aware of what each of her children were doing while also taking care of all of the household chores. Whereas men did all the hunting. In order for men to be successful in the hunt, while also staying safe, they needed to be able to fully and completely concentrate on their surroundings.

What does all of this have to do with being a mom in today’s society you may wonder. Well, our multitasking brains overwhelm us. At one given time we’re thinking about the bedroom dresser that needs dusting, the baby that needs to be changed, what we’re going to cook for dinner, what our kids will wear to school tomorrow, the fight we had with our husband last night, heck we’re thinking about our kids dentist appointment next month. The problem with this is we have a difficult time living in the moment.

The secret to enjoying motherhood is learning to honestly live in the moment and enjoy it. You’ve seen your husband do it. He may have a big, stressful project going on at work, but when he’s playing with the kids you can tell by his big smile and hearty laugh that he’s not thinking about anything but the kids in that moment.

The next time you catch yourself feeling frazzled, possibly even resenting motherhood, take a lesson from you husband and live in the moment. Stop thinking about the laundry that needs folding, how fat your bottom looks in those jeans, whether your husband still finds you attractive, and how you forgot to call your friend back today and instead look your kid right in the eye, take a deep breath and enjoy your present.